(A Piece of) Who I Am in Myself

I do not think that I have or could get an accurate image of who I am in myself. At least not in these moments. It is not that I do not know what that would look like. The difficulty comes in trying to capture its dynamic tendency. I imagine this is true for most people. But the one aspect I will try to show regards the quote "Whoever is calm and sensible is insane." This quote makes a lot of sense to me. We are all live in this crazy world that is unpredictable. In order to live here without losing one's mind (in a bad way), a person must choose to match the challenge (in a good way). It is a matter of willingly changing or forcibly changing.

The image I chose is not of me. It is of Jacob Bannon of the band Converge. The reason I chose this picture to express a part of who I am in myself is because it depicts Bannon in the chaos of his music just as I am often in the embrace of my life's chaos. He is hunched over, screaming his emotions with all his might. His voice and energy are his true expression. In a way, this is how I see myself sometimes. There is no rhyme or reason in the story being told in life. In this, I willingly embrace chaos. Where I go and what I do are unknown things, even to me. To an extent, it must be like this. Bannon's music is is chaotic and abrasive. In my eyes, it is a form of true expression and being. It is beautiful. Not perfect. But just the way it is suppose to be.

Landscape

My landscape is simple. It is of the brush clearing. It is of my perspective. I am coming out of the woods. I had been lost, but now I see my destination. It is the world beyond. I need to go beyond. There is earth and there is sky. But intrinsic to it is a transcendence. It is nature. It is beyond.

Mask

My mask is like a war mask. It is covered with battle scars. It is rough and ready for battle. It is simple. And it is red. I made this mask to represent my attitude in life. I know challenges are coming, so I prepare myself for what will come. I need to be ready, or else I will be overcome.

The picture is of my waiting in a room. Waiting and waiting. So much that I have to close my eyes. School has always felt like a waiting room to me. Much application but not enough experience. I have never truly been in the "real" world. Yet I have my war mask on. I am ready for a battle. But while waiting in this room it never comes.

(Alternatively: it could be a mexican wrestling mask that I subconsciously made).

Film

Our film was long and slow. We took after Tarkovsky. It was a winding portrait of masked beings living communally and unconsciously. Everyone is ignorant and everyone is satisfied. They live with their masks and though they see themselves in the mirror they won't change. The girl in the red dress is different however. When we find her, she is in the basement staring deeply. She realizes who she is apart from the mask and so she abandons it and runs for her life. She escapes out the front door and never looks back. Everyone else is perplexed for a moment, but the their docile acceptance returns.

Repressions are found in the passiveness of those wearing the mask. They won't give it up. Ideologies are found in the tasks the figures take up. They behave as they are expected to behave. I do not think that there were cultural tensions. And as for prophecy, the girl in red running out is a striking image of what they could all accomplish.

(link will be up in a bit)

Image of God - All Seeing

In Jeremiah 23:24 God declares, "Do I not fill heaven and earth?"

The Lord is omnipresent. His is a spiritual essence which exists at all places at all times. As this piece of scripture tells us, there is no place in heaven or earth in which he is not. But our understanding of this reality is not comprehensive. We may understand that God can see all, which includes our lives, at all times. But we do not comprehend the extensiveness or full implications of this.

In my image of God, God is depicted concretely in a moment of time. In this one moment of everyday life, what is the relationship between God and people? About half are looking at (or at least noticing) God and the other half are going about their business. As in the Hagia Sophia image, God's gaze is piercing (in this case through the picture, instead of across). Whether people notice or not depends on their mindset. Here God is not hiding. He has made himself visibly present, as in the Picnic image by Sally Mann. The eyes is just one manifestation, but he takes on many others.

Life is happening and the Lord is upon us. God has proven his faithfulness and continues to do so, but our track records is blemished. We must work to prove our end, everyday.

Image of God - Sally Mann- Picnic

This is a picture by Sally Mann, titled Picnic. It is part of a collection titled Immediate Family which has brought Mann much critical attention. In this and other photos in the collection, Mann uses her own children as the subjects in view. They are often portrayed in natural environments, nude and exposed to the world. The tone of these pictures is usually dark. The images contemplate death, sexuality and insecurity. Mann has received much controversial reception regarding these photos. But she simply considers them depictions of childhood in its many forms. She has also received much acclaim.

For me, this image represents the multi-dimensions of God, specifically in regards to His presence. The burning in the background is indeed reminiscent of the burning bush which appeared to Moses, but I don't so much take it to mean that God is precisely in that area. Instead I see it more as just one type of manifestation of God. What I mean is that God is always present among those who believe, but every now and then He manifests Himself more concretely to make Himself more immediately sensed. In this picture, the children are going about their business when God suddenly makes Himself immediately present. The children turn from what they are doing to that which cannot be ignored. Yes, God is in the burning bush, but just for a moment. He is always amongst those who believe.

This image is true because it is analogous to God's manifestations. God appears as a burning bush because it is a captivating figure. It is very immediate. It won't last for long. When it occurs, we are urged to take notice and beware. Our proximity should be considered. If we are too close we will be singed; too far, and we will not know exactly what we are looking at. Our simplicity as children before God is also depicted. What we busy ourselves with is no match for who God is. His demands are undeniable. Though He is always present, we only really pay attention when He is immediately present.

Image of God - Hagia Sophia

1. The Hagia Sophia is house of worship/museum in Istanbul, Turkey. Throughout its history it has served multiple religions. When first completed in 537 A.D. it was a Orthodox basilica dedicated to Jesus Christ. Later on it became a mosque. And presently it serves as a museum. It is considered to be the best representation of Byzantine architecture. Its large size established it as the largest cathedral for about a thousand years.

2. This image represents God as light. His presence is made apparent by the soft rays which enter through the dome. What this means to me is that though God is present in the hearts of the believers inside the cathedral, He also chooses to visually manifest Himself by His natural creation. There is also an interesting aspect that God works with the human creation of the dome. He penetrates where He is let in.

3. This image is true. I'm willing to say this because the image addresses multiple aspects of the life. It demonstrates God as penetrating and illuminating. As light, His presence is greatly welcomed and basked in. It also demonstrates how God works with what humans create. Because there are numerous entries into this building is why God enters. There is an interaction. This a true reflection of life.

The Body

The body possess endless potential. It grows and forms as we live in this world. Innate settings and environmental factors all take their part in how we develop and what our bodies end up being. So we make our choices and experience the consequences. The culture also makes its choices. A moment of realization comes when we stand in contrast to another.

The Buddha and Greek Warrior demonstrate contrast. They are both fully grown. The choices they've made and directions they've taken with their lives are on display. Their cultures are also exemplified. The Buddha has lived a life of inward meditation and has achieved a peace in his own body. The Greek warrior has lived a life of outward strength and has developed a body that is built for war. Their potentials have been formed and realized. Next to each other, we can see how far apart they have grown.

When considering what the body is, I think of potential. So many choices, so many directions. With an endless variety to deal with, I decided to not pick a figure with its potentials developed. I thought of a human in its infancy. Unfortunately, I do not readily have access to a young child. Instead I decided to experience what a baby might experience. So I crawled on the floor and tried to re-conceptualize the discovery of my body and its movements. The above shot is me coming to terms. Though in reality I am fully formed, in my mind I have endless potential still.